| NOW SHOWING: MY LIFE |
| Not your ordinary life story...featured is the life of a girl (I'm yet to be convinced before I call myself a woman...), who is, after a long time of searching, has finally found her peace in God's presence... see her as she go fulfill the Lord's plans in her life.. join her in her adventures, drama and even comedy moments.. all in the name of discovering her purpose...
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| today iam...
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| previous posts |
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the hole in my heart
a song from a weary heart
Hear me now
a letter for alex
how i miss blogging
keeping my silence
big girl na ko, i should know what to do
from an overflowing heart
very much thankful
once again i've found myself crying
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| in spotlight: Farewell Waltz (Milan Kundera)
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Sincerity requires self-knowledge. You cannot be sincere because you didn't know what there is within you.
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| just a thought
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Love feels no burden, thinks nothing of trouble, attempts what is above its strength, pleads no excuse of impossibility.
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maystar * designs
| Friday, July 30, 2004 |
"The Lord will fulfill his purpose for me,
Your love, O Lord, endures forever...
do not abandon the works of your hands."
Psalm 138:8
# posted by joSlyn @ 5:11 PM
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Oliver to Jenny:
How can you see me and still love me..?
(From the film/novel Love Story by Erich Segal)
***
This is the same question I want to ask God. How can he see my flaws, my weaknesses and my shortcomings and still love me..still understand me..still accept me...
O how great is His love for mankind. I may not capture the depths of that love or even fathom the profundity of his grace..But one thing i know, God loves me and nothing that i can do to change that fact.
Thank you Lord!!!
# posted by joSlyn @ 10:49 AM
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"The sea is dangerous and its storms terrible, but these obstacles have never been sufficient reason to remain ashore ... Unlike the mediocre, intrepid spirits seek victory over those things that seem impossible ... It is with an iron will that they embark on the most daring of all endeavors ... to meet the shadowy future without fear and conquer the unknown."
-- Ferdinand Magellan
# posted by joSlyn @ 8:49 AM
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| Thursday, July 29, 2004 |
Trust what's in your heart.. Love beyond the circumstance.
for love is greater than any tragedy
than any risk
and any limitation
these words came into mind upon watching ella the enchanted last night. whew..!
"what's in your heart is greater than any spell "- ella's mother on her death bed
# posted by joSlyn @ 4:20 PM
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he's my angel. the one sent from above to help me get through those days of loneliness and grief...
I met him days before my father died. And i've always knew that he's an angel disguising as a friend and a lover to me. He taught me how to see life differently, always with a grateful heart despite the problems and trials that come my way. He taught me how to love selflessly and more importantly how to fight for my heart.
but the angel is being asked to report back to heaven..
again, the reality of death is haunting me. but no..please don't take him away from me. i know it would take a miracle to heal him from his sickness but please God for the sake of our love...
please let the angel stay by my side..
I'm afraid of losing my angel, my life..
# posted by joSlyn @ 1:36 PM
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THE DISTANCE
By: Evan & Jaron
The sky has lost its color
The sun has turned to grey
At least that's how it feels to me
Whenever you're away
I crawl up in the corner
As I watch the minutes pass
Each one brings me closer to
The time when you'll be back
You're coming back
I can't take the distance
I can't take the miles
I can't take the time
Until the next time I see you smile
I can't take the distance
And I'm not ashamed
That I can't take a breath whitout saying your name
But I can't take the distance
I can brave a hurricane
And still be standing tall
when all the dust has settled down
But I can't take the distance
I still believe in feelings
But sometimes I feel too much
I make believe you're close to me
But it ain't close enough
Not nearly close enough
I can't take the distance
I can't the miles
I can't take the time until the next time I see you smile
I can't take the distance
And I'm not ashamed
That I can't take a breath without saying your name
I can brave a hurricane
And still be standing tall
when all the dust has settled down
I can't take the distance
I can't take the miles
I can't take the time until the next time
I see you smile
I can't take the distance
And I'm not ashamed
That I can't take a breath without saying your name
And I can't take the distance
The distance
# posted by joSlyn @ 9:47 AM
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| Friday, July 23, 2004 |
no eye has seen
no ear has heard
no mind has conceived
what God has prepared for those who love him
1 Cor 2:9
# posted by joSlyn @ 10:50 AM
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natetense ako para sa exam mamaya. nonetheless this is a very special day for me. Syempre monthsary namin ngayon ng babe ko..love you so much babe!
I know you don't want me to be sad. lalo na sa espesyal na araw na ito...
# posted by joSlyn @ 10:45 AM
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bakasyon ako ng mga ilang araw. I wish to enjoy these times though wala pa talaga akong concrete plans how to spend my free days....Maybe planning will come later. Pagkatapos ng exam sa ombudsman..O God please help me.!!
# posted by joSlyn @ 10:31 AM
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something that should be reflected upon:
By Susan Titus Osborn, Rest Stops for Single Moms
LEAN INTO THE WIND
As I scanned the horizon, my eyes focused on a sailboat gliding out of the bay. The boat cruised smoothly for a while, but then the wind changed direction. The mainsail flapped uselessly in the breeze, and the boat slowed to a near halt. The boat's pilot turned the rudder and guided his craft back into the world. The sails coat the breeze and filled, and soon the vessel glided swiftly out of the harbor.
While I watched the sailor fight the wind, I thought of a parallel in my own life. I had been working through a situation that caused inner turmoil and suffering. I felt like the mainsail, flapping in the wind with no sense of direction. When my husband of twenty-two years was suddenly no longer a part of my life, feelings inadequacy and dozens of unanswerable questions filled my mind.
Then there was the adjustment of trying to balance a career, make ends meet, and still find the time to be a good mother to my two sons. It made for long workdays that left me tired and resentful. I longed for those happier, calmer days when I wasn't fighting the wind or battling my inner pain. Why had my world suddenly changed? Anger sapped my strength. In frustration, I lashed out at God. "Lord, take this hurt away. Why have these things happened to me?"
Nevertheless, the situation remained unchanged; my questions went unanswered. God seemed silent and unreachable. I kept racing around, fragmented and torn, never pausing to listen to the still, small voice of God within me.
However, after a period of time, a remarkable thing happened. Instead of mentally avoiding the problems in my life and blaming God, I decided to take a different approach. Perhaps what I had assumed to be God's lack of concern was actually my lack of ability to listen to God. I learned to lean into the pain instead of avoiding or fighting it.
Like that sailboat slanting back into the wind, I deliberately decided to find joy in the midst of my circumstances. Instead of asking God to remove my problems, I prayed that He would stand by me throughout the ordeal. Then I took the time to listen for His reply. I found time to spend in His Word each day in spite of my schedule.
Although I was still a single parent, joggling finances, career, and teenagers, I no longer felt overwhelmed. Depending on His strength to guide me brought the peace that I'd been seeking.
# posted by joSlyn @ 9:04 AM
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| Thursday, July 22, 2004 |
i love you babe!!!
# posted by joSlyn @ 5:42 PM
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in the mood to reminisce...
alexis' email dated 22 Jan 04:
Babe,
Your name on my lips gives me reason to breathe
When I can't close my eyes, you're my reason to dream.
When I can't move my body, you give me the will
When I'm numb inside, it's your love I feel.
You keep me going when I want to give in
You are my beginning when it feels like the end.
You love me today when I can't face tomorrow
You give me joy when I'm filled with sorrow.
I love you beyond anything I've ever known
in the shelter of your love my spirit has grown.
When I am frightened and feeling unsure
Your strength and your love make me feel secure.
I can never repay you for this gift that you give
but I want you to know you're my reason to live.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH !!!
Alex
# posted by joSlyn @ 5:29 PM
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I wish I could take away the pain in waiting
I wish I could promise to be strong
To never falter
To never give in to the invite of loneliness
This pain seems to be never ending
But I know my love for you would stand firm amidst these trials
The distance could never stop me loving you
Time could never erase you in my soul
This uncertainty would never triumph in snatching you away from my future
I love you
I need you
I want you by my side
I know God has his own time for us
And I will be waiting for that precious moment
Our MOMENT
I love you babe!
# posted by joSlyn @ 2:54 PM
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Babe, I MISS YOU so much!!
# posted by joSlyn @ 2:50 PM
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| Wednesday, July 21, 2004 |
Nahihiya ako sa Diyos. Parang mas sanay na ata akong magreklamo kaysa sa tumanggap ng pagpapala. Nitong mga huling buwan wala akong ibang naiisip kundi ang sana matapos na lahat ng paghihirap na nararamdaman ko. Halos igiit kong naging mabuti naman akong tao para masaktan ng ganito. Pero ngayong ramdam ko na ang pagkilos ng langit para iahon ako sa kumunoy ng kalungkutang kinalalagyan ko.. eto lang ang nararamdaman ko, NAHIHIYA AKO!
Bigla kong naisip, hindi rin pala ako karapat-dapat sa kahit anumang magandang bagay sa paligid ko. Hindi ang mga mabubuting gawa ko ang siyang magbibigay karapatan sa akin.. HINDI!
Nahihiya ako sa kababawan ng pananampalatayang ipinamalas ko.. at ngayon nga'y hindi ko alam ang dapat na reaksyon ko sa mga nangyayari.. at nahihiya talaga ako sa Diyos.
Alam kong nasaktan ako ng labis.. Pero mas nasaktan ko ang Panginoon.
# posted by joSlyn @ 1:48 PM
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| Tuesday, July 20, 2004 |
Dear Lord, I know that by looking at my life now, I could be easily disheartened. And at this point, I am indeed. But You have promised that You are near to those who are brokenhearted, to those who have lost hope. And so with You I know there is no problem too big, no hurt too deep, no mistake so bad that I cannot overcome. Grant me Your gift of courage and help me to cast my fears and anxieties upon You. Keep me close to You, Lord, and protect me from the snares of the evil one whose only plan is to draw me apart from You. I know that if you are with me, nobody can be against me.
# posted by joSlyn @ 4:46 PM
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i feel suffocated
im sick and tired
of my work
of my thoughts
of my pain
of my present status
i can't breathe
i can't move
i'm but paralyzed
by these changes
when will this end
# posted by joSlyn @ 3:44 PM
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whew!! ngayon ko lang 'to sobrang naapreciate.. and the reason is so obvious..
help!
i need somebody help!
not just anybody help!
you know i need someone help!
when i was younger so much younger than today
i never needed anybody's help in any way
and now these days are gone
i'm not so self assured
now i find i've changed my mind
i've opened up the doors
help me if you can i'm feeling down
and i do appreciate you being 'round
help me get my feet back on the ground
won't you please, please help me?
and now my life has changed in oh so many ways
my independence seems to vanish in the haze
but every now and then i feel so insecure
i know that i just need you
like i've never done before
help me if you can i'm feeling down...
when i was younger so much younger than today...
help me if you can i'm feeling down...
(by Beatles)
# posted by joSlyn @ 3:34 PM
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WILL OF THE WIND (Jim Photoglo) I spent half my life looking for the reasons things must change. And half my life trying to make things stay the same. But love would fade like summer into fall. All that I could see was a mystery it made no sense at all. The will of the wind you feel it and then. It will pass you blowing steady. It comes and it goes and God only knows. You must keep your sails on ready. So when it begins get all that you can. You must befriend the will of the wind.
I spent so many hours just thinkin' 'bout the way things might have been. And so many hours trying to bring the good times back again. And so it goes for lonely hearted fools. They let their days slip away until they give into. The will of the wind you feel it and then. It will pass you blowing steady. It comes and it goes. And God only knows you must keep your sails on ready. So when it begins get all that you can. You must befriend the will of the wind.. So when it begins get all that you can. You must befriend the will of the wind..
# posted by joSlyn @ 1:59 PM
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changes... all-around me are but changes
sa bilis ng mga pangyayari, di ko na matandaan ang mga naging reaksyon ko sa mga pagbabagong ito. Nagsabay-sabay kasi. Dito sa opisina, sa bahay maging sa personal kong buhay. Lahat ata nabago.
Minsan nga gusto ko ng umangal. Aba'y isa-isa lang.. mahina ang kalaban. Pero talaga sigurong panahon na para maranasan ko ang lahat ng ito. Ito nga siguro yung sinasabing next level. Pero sandali, nakalimutan atang itanong sa akin kung handa na ako.
Basta ngayon ang nararamdaman ko lang, pagod ako. I'm stressed out. Naubos na ata ang lakas ko habang pinagmamasdang mag-ibang bihis ang mga bagay sa buhay ko.
Totoo na to...
# posted by joSlyn @ 1:44 PM
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... Iam convinced that life must be accepted such as it is given to us. That is the real first commandment, prior the other ten. All events are in the hands of God, and we know nothing about their evolution. I am trying to say that to accept life such as it is given is to ACCEPT THE UNFORESEEABLE.. You don't know what it will bring you, and that is precisely why you must accept it. Otherwise you are only HALF ALIVE, you are living like a non-swimmer wading near the shore, while the ocean is not really the ocean until YOU ARE OUT OF YOUR DEPTH. ( excerpts from Milan Kundera's Farewell Waltz)
# posted by joSlyn @ 11:13 AM
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| Monday, July 19, 2004 |
Everyday, I become more and more helpless. What others may see as strength being developed in me, is for me, my very weaknesses. Each day unveils my nothingness, my incapacity to control things and to manipulate the outcomes of my life.
But then again, when i feel so down and helpless, then and there I become more hopeful. I then begin to fathom the real meaning of life. It is but living your purpose!!
# posted by joSlyn @ 10:32 AM
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| Friday, July 16, 2004 |
I'm holding on to my faith
Searching for reasons
I'm counting on to my prayers
Waiting for answers
That may come my way
That may lead the way
I'm confused, I'm torn
Don't know where to turn to
My heart is shattering
My vision's faltering
I'm down on my knees Lord
Where is your comfort
Where is your love
Help me restore my strength
Restore my faith
Let me stand in your love again
I'll be waiting
Consume from the fires of the heaven
# posted by joSlyn @ 12:00 PM
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At ano nga ba ang gusto kong mangyari?
Sa totoo lang, sobrang natatakot ako. Kagabi naisip ko na buti na rin at wala pa akong balita sa kanya. Kasi hanggang ngayon di pa rin ako sigurado kung kaya ko ng tanggapin kung anuman ang itinakda para sa akin. Na habang nasa kawalan ako, may karapatan pa akong umasa na magiging maayos pa ang lahat. Na habang wala pang katiyakan sa tunay nyang kalagayan, maaari pa akong mangarap. Maari ko pang panghawakan ang mga mithiin ng puso ko..
Natatakot ako. Sana hindi ito katulad ng mga pangyayari sa nakaraan. Na sana hindi ako habangbuhay na pahirapan ng kawalang ito. Na sana dumating na ang mga sagot sa mga tanong at panalangin ko..
# posted by joSlyn @ 11:51 AM
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What am I doing? Ganito na ba ako kadesperado? Ang alam ko lang nasasaktan ako. And this pain is just too unbearable i feel like im shattering into pieces.. Nawawalan na ba talaga ako ng pag-asa? Ano na ba talaga ang nangyayari sa akin?
Last night, i feel like giving up. Ayoko na. Hindi na ako natutuwa sa mga nangyayari sa buhay ko. I feel so lost, so lonely and so hopeless.
Why the prolonged agony? Sobrang nahihirapan na ako.
# posted by joSlyn @ 11:38 AM
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| Wednesday, July 14, 2004 |
Ngayon nyo sabihing matatag ako. Na pasasaan ba't mapagtatagumpayan ko rin ang laban na ito. Ngayon nyo sabihing may naghihintay sa aking magandang bukas, na ang nararamdaman kong sakit ay panandalian lamang. Pakiusap, ngayon na, habang nakakaramdam pa ako at hindi pa tuluyang minamanhid ng mga pasakit na ito.
Tinanggap ko ang bawat hagupit ng tadhana, gano man ito kasakit, gano man nito tinutunaw ang buo kong pagkatao. Heto at patuloy na akong nanghihina, kung hanggang saan ko pa kakayanin, hindi ko na alam.
Buksan nyo ang puso ko't makikita nyo ang isang nagpupumiglas na katauhan, patuloy na nilalabanan ang bawat paghamon at patuloy din namang nilalamon ng kaliwa't kanang mga pagsubok.
Sabi nila, kailangan ito sa pagpapalalim ng sarili, makakatulong sa pagpapatibay ng aking kabuuan. Pero di na lamang ako pinapaso ng mga pangyayaring ito bagkus sinusunog na nito ang minsang binuo kong mga pangarap. Binubuwag na nito ang mga bagay na maingat kong binuo para sa sarili ko..
# posted by joSlyn @ 1:38 PM
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| Friday, July 09, 2004 |
I don't know, but i guess I just miss the old days.. when things were still simple and bearable and life is not that demanding as it is now.
Now I've come to know the real meaning of pain, of sadness and of loneliness. GROWING IS BUT PAINFUL.
# posted by joSlyn @ 12:52 PM
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I have so many questions in mind. Everything about my life, my purpose and my future. It seems that there's so much to be anxious about. Yes, I am so clouded by all of these uncertainties.
I seek for answers to my questions. I yearn for confirmations, perhaps a sign to tell me that I'm on the right track.
I even need a miracle. I feel so helpless..
But I wanna rejoice amidst these circumstances. I want to see strength beyond these weaknesses. I know I am to find hope, in this seemingly dead end.
God, show me the way.. Lift up my lowly spirit and fight this battle for me..
# posted by joSlyn @ 12:36 PM
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Babe, this is hard for me. The thought that i can't do anything but wait, breaks me.. I want to know if you're ok..I want to hear your voice.. I want to see you..
I'm so weak, I need your strength and love to fill me.. I need to hear you voice to calm my troubled spirit..
I am not giving up...NEVER... never will I surrender my love for you..What we have is worth all these hurts and pains..
But for now, let my love bridge the distance and touch you. Always remember that you have the whole of me.. I will be here waiting.
I LOVE YOU!!!!!!!!!!!
# posted by joSlyn @ 10:39 AM
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| Monday, July 05, 2004 |
I'm at peace now. I'm happy to be back on my spiritual senses again. I thank God for never giving up on me...
Let afflictions come for God has chosen me
Poverty you may walk through my door
but God is already in my house and He has chosen me
Sickness you may intrude into my life
But I have a cure standing ready for God is by my side
I know that I shall overcome for he has chosen me
Whatever occurs in the valley of tears I KNOW GOD HAS CHOSEN ME
# posted by joSlyn @ 1:49 PM
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| Friday, July 02, 2004 |
They say this stuff is addicting.. well, IT IS!!!! I can't wait to fill up this page with my entries. I'm excited to write down my thoughts thereby liberate myself from too much burdens..
BEHOLD, my mind is now working and my emotions just get too keyed up to be exposed..
# posted by joSlyn @ 2:43 PM
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My week started with a bang, and now I'm afraid to might end it with a disaster. Last Sunday i felt great, as if nothing bothers me anymore. Monday, still with high spirit then came Tuesday with an outburst of loneliness. My emotions have just found the right time to blow up. I'm again shattering into pieces but I can't afford to see myself be lost again. No, not amidst a seemingly improved situation..
But I still have a day and a half.. my week is not yet over..
# posted by joSlyn @ 2:21 PM
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What do you want me to learn, God? Im amidst no ordinary situation now. My heart starts to fail and I guess Im continually losing grasp on things. Im afraid to be swamped by this pain but I cant help but be consumed by this misery. Sorry. Maybe Im just focusing much on my situation instead of seeking your mercy/grace. I don't know if I can hold on anymore, but please sustain me Lord!! Please teach my heart to be still. Let me see You in control of everything.
# posted by joSlyn @ 10:02 AM
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| Thursday, July 01, 2004 |
This is my first day to blog.. And my real intent is to have something to bury myself in. WAWAWAWA.... May sound pathetic but who cares??? This is my life and more importantly THIS IS MY PAGE!!!
# posted by joSlyn @ 11:05 AM
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